Tips for the basic blow job

The Basic Blow Job

Why should you give a man a blow job?
Because they can be seductive. Or powerfully dominant. Or romantic.

First, think about what it is. You're taking the most sensitive part of a man into your mouth. You have absolute control over when and whether he comes. It's an inherently intimate act. One woman asked me if blow jobs ever made me feel slutty, and to that I responded, "Only when I’ve wanted them to." Because they can also be seductive. Or powerfully dominant. Or romantic.







1. Get In the Right Frame of Mind

This might be the most important piece of advice on giving head: Do it because you want to. If you don’t want to, don’t do it. If you feel obliged, if you’re being pressured, if you feel like you need to reciprocate, if you think a blow job will get you something, don’t do it. Do it because you’re turned on, because you want to give your partner pleasure, or because his cock is so deliciously hard that you can’t help yourself. You need to be into it.

Oral sex is amazing, and if you’re feeling inhibited, ask yourself why that is. Is it because you’re inexperienced? That goes away with practice. Is it because you think you’ll be judged? I can promise you that no sane man is going to think negatively of you if you’re giving him head. If he does, he’s struggling with his own issues about sex, and this will cause problems in your future. Is it because you’re worried that it will be too messy? Sex is messy. Sex should be messy. Don’t worry about being messy.

The bottom line is that oral sex is a simple, powerful sex act with incredible range. It can bring you closer as a couple (literally), it can be sweet and gentle, but it can also be the most filthy, carnal sex act in your repertoire. A lot of this depends on your frame of mind, how you feel and want to feel, and how you want to make him feel.


2. Take Your Time

Don’t feel the need to swallow him whole on the first stroke. If you’re inexperienced or nervous, you might have the urge to go all out immediately. Or maybe you’ve seen this in porn. The cock isn’t as sensitive as the clitoris but it still needs to warm up.

I asked a friend if he’d ever had a bad blowjob.  “Once,” he said, “when this girl was too aggressive. It was like she was trying to make me come before I even had a chance to put my drink down and it actually hurt. I wanted to stop her but I didn’t want to be rude. I should have just told her to slow down.”

Take your time. Explore the area around his cock, like his hips, his abdomen, his inner thighs. Explore his cock gently with your lips and tongue. Get a feel for its shape and texture. Familiarize yourself with the shaft, the head, the base. Don’t be afraid to use your hands and your fingertips.


3. Basic Mechanics

When you’re ready, wrap one hand around the base of his cock and guide it into your mouth. Think of your hand as an extension. Be sure to generously lubricate the shaft (or the palm of your hand) with spit first.

The basic mechanics of a stroke: tighten your lips around the shaft and use your tongue to stroke the underside. Suck gently, particularly on the out-stroke, while you do this.


4. Control the Pace

Giving head can be powerful, submissive, or sensual. The power dynamic tends to depend on who’s controlling the tempo. If he’s controlling the pace, then it puts you in a more submissive position and maybe that’s your preference. But if you’re starting out or looking to refine your experience, take control of the pace. If he starts to control the blow job, pull back and slow down. If he puts his hands in your hair and starts to force it, gently remove his hands and place them at his sides, though sometimes it’s enough to just touch them. By the way, if he does this, it’s no big deal (it’s actually really hot). Some men

instinctively try to thrust. Just maintain control. You can give up control later, when you’re confident about giving head, and only if that sort of dynamic is huge turn-on to you.


5. Vary Sensation

You make a man come with a consistent, regular rhythm. But do that too soon, or for too long, and he'll go numb. If you interrupt that rhythm, you delay his orgasm but you also keep him sensitive to sensation.

Vary sensation with your mouth and hands. Sensitive zones include the head of his cock, the underside of his shaft, particularly just under the head, and - for many men - the balls. Don’t feel pressure to bring him off. Take your time, enjoy his cock, explore the shaft, stroke his balls, return to head. You can also vary sensation by varying the tension in your tongue. Or just use your hands for a bit, both the fingertips and the palms. Again: lubrication, spit.


6. Make Him Come

It’s easy to make him come - just be consistent and steady. If it’s going on for a while and he still hasn’t come, go back to varying sensation, then try again. Also: sometimes men don’t know whether they should come, so they hold back. Be sure to let him know that it’s okay to orgasm.


7. Choose Your Ending

You can spit, you can swallow, he can pull out and come on your body. There’s no shame in spitting. I’ve done it, friends have done it - just spit in a sink or in a towel. It’s no big deal. Swallowing is nice, and for me it’s been best - seamless - when he comes while he’s deep in my throat. Pulling out can be hot, but be careful about getting it in your eyes. It won’t just burn - your eyes will be a deep crimson for several hours.


8. And Communicate

Don’t be afraid to use your hands and communicate with your partner. Let him know if he can come. If you want him to come a certain way, then tell him. Let him know that you’re enjoying this (because you really, really should only do this if you enjoy it). And, as with all communication, pay attention to his feedback. His body will respond differently to different sensations. If something is really turning him on, keep doing it. If he’s unresponsive, let it go and try something else.

And finally… stroke yourself too. Sure, you’re devoting this time to his orgasm, but like any sex act, it’s a shared experience. The more turned on you are, the better it will be